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OPINION: The Secret of Grocery Store Self-Checkout

Beware of Bossy Machines and Shrewd Cashiers.

Shopping at Safeway during rush hour can be as stressful as trying to program a DVR player.  After selecting my grocery items, I stand in a lane, five customers deep, filled with overloaded carts moving at a pace slower than a chess game.  I notice a few brave souls with small orders using self-checkout.

For those whose haven’t been paying attention, the self-checkout is an automated register located near aisle one.  The customer scans, bags and pays for the purchases without the help of a cashier.  Sounds easy enough but don’t let that fool you.  Self-checkout machines can be bossy.

I eye the machine with the trepidation of a kid receiving a flu vaccine. “Don’t do it.  Remember the last time,” says that little voice inside my head.  I had selected Spanish instead of English and ended up in a system loop, “Llame al attendant.”  I abandoned the items on the scanner and left the store.      

But today I have lots of motivation, faster and shorter lines.  I refuse to be intimidated again.

I weave through other shoppers to reach self-checkout.  One cashier provides assistance for six machines.  With shrewd, beady eyes and painted on pants, she acts like a periscope on a submarine, constantly scanning and waiting for the slightest customer infraction. 

            I step up to the self-checkout machine.  A computer-animated voice demands me to follow the directions on the screen.  First, I select English not Spanish.  Next, the annoying voice says, “Scan your item.  Place in shopping bag.”  This goes smoothly until I try to scan a bag of carrots, no bar code.

            Oh God, now what? 

The attendant senses my confusion and saunters over.  “Have a problem?” she asks.

“Yeah, how do I scan vegetables?”

Mocking me with its simplicity, she places the carrots on the scale, enters her secret pin number, pushes four buttons, smirks and walks away. 

It is more difficult to repeat the process without her by my side.  Placing apples on the scale, I push the “No Barcode” icon and then “A” on the display screen for apples.  Forty separate icons appear.  Mackintosh, Granny Smith, McIntosh, Red Delicious, the list drones on.  Since the tiny label fell off the apple, I panic and push any button.  My face turns beet red and lips quiver.

Okay, just relax. 

            My items overflow the bagging area and I sling them into the cart.  The register shuts down with an error message, “See attendant.” 

The computer system alerts the cashier, she marches over, fixes the machine and reminds me, “You must leave the bags in the bagging area until you are finished or the machine thinks you are stealing.”

If I knew so much, I’d be working here!

By this point, crowds pile up behind me as angry as the fans at an Oakland Raiders game.  Hyperventilating, I try my last item, a birthday card.  I run it over the scanner and slide it into the bagging area. 

The creepy computer voice reminds me, “Place item in bagging area.”

What the hell?

I catch the attention of the attendant for the final time.  She drags herself over, letting me know with the shake of her head that I am beyond help.

“The card is too light-weight.  The machine doesn’t know if you put it in the bagging area.”

She enters her secret pin number, pushes a button and walks away.

Finalizing my purchases, I scan my club card, enter the Visa, take the receipt, grab the last bag and leave the store in humiliation.  Didn’t even attempt to use a coupon. 

You’ve been warned.

Ed June 30, 2012 at 03:40 PM
I refuse to use the self-checkout features in any of the stores I've been to that have them (Safeway and Home Depot). While I had to chuckle at Stacey Gustafson's descriptions of her experience at the Safeway store, it only reinforced my determination to avoid this supposedly self help feature. Safeway would do well to completely rip out the entire self help installation and staff their checkout lines with more people. Real people can be addressed and spoken to, machines cannot.
Jim June 30, 2012 at 04:37 PM
I only have used the self checkout line several times when I have only a few items--never vegetables. My wife refuses to use them. Marissa must have been the clerk on duty at the self checkout.. She's the only one I know who could be that nasty.
John S July 01, 2012 at 11:38 PM
Very few times have I used the self-checkout. Why should I do someone elses job without getting reimbursed for it? If they gave me a 15% discount to be a combination shopper/checker, then cool, but otherwise??nah
Samson Wong July 02, 2012 at 06:37 PM
I very much prefer to choose the self checkout machines, because it gets me out of Safeway or Lucky or what other stores much quicker. Also, I don’t usually purchase a lot of items. I find that it takes twice as long or longer when standing in line waiting for the person or persons in front of me, especially when the person has a whole lot of items both in their cart and on the conveyor belt.

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